Dr, Dr, Mister Md?

Can you tell me, whats ailing me?
Taking stock of this year, bump wise. I have to look back on this year as having a FULL bump card. I do believe i’ve cracked/fractured my tailbone at least twice this year, and am living through i believe my 3rd, or maybe 4th concussion as we speak. I dont play football. I just smack my melon alot.
Today’s bash of the head was at the gas station. Somehow i launched UP instead of OUT the car door and took the door jam crease to the top of the head. Knocked me to my knees, then to hands an knees. Saw stars, really wanted to be ill right then an there, but hadnt had breakfast yet. Plus that NASTY metallic taste at the back of your tongue. The lady at store wanted to 911 me. I thanked her an declined, pumped my gas and hauled my ass. home.    I called my neuro guy, he’s LESS than thrilled, and out of town-tole me to head for emerg. room. I went to the couch instead.
If i still feel like this tomorrow, i may go, but i dont want to start a “tab’ that i cant pay at some hospital.
oh oh ! i feel the first couple lines of a country song coming on!
I lead the league in: ass bashins, melon smashins, and fallin flat on my ugly face. Watch me wobble, take bets on, how far before i fall. I thought i had more than this. I am feelin puny again. Perhaps more later.
Well the rest of the story follows:
about 7p. last night, i realized that i’d slept 13 hours, still wantin to toss cookies and a ferocious pain over my left ear.
sooo. i called the rescue squad, my INTENT was just to ask questions, an see if i SHOULD head for emerg. room. The lady said “stay RIGHT where you are at, we coming for you.
They thought i was nuts when i informed them they wouldnt be able to reach my house with the ambulance, and i would meet them at the end of my street. “we can get anyplace” they said. Well the LAST time they said that, they about poked the light bar off the top of the truck with one of my MANY orange trees. I was just tryin to avoid that.
So my neighbor and i drove my car to the end of the road and waited. And waited. And were starting to wait MORE, when my phone rings. Its rescue, and they cant find me.
“Thats because they havent come DOWN to the BOTTOM of the street like i told u clowns”. Sorry, i was groggy, and in pain.
They found me eventually.
Because i had “hit my head”, the first thing they do is strap a cervical collar on me. Well AFTER they dug into their box o stuff, and found the CHILD sized one. then? They assist me onto the BACK board. then on to the gurney. The whole time they are trying to strap me to the back board, they are bitchin because MOST the straps-dont strap. That gave me visions of slidin off the sucker at the sharp left turn 2 miles up the road i’ll tell ya.
They load me up in the COLD back o da box. I have never figured out why anything medical, also has to be cold, but leavin that alone.
They plug me into various pieces of equipment, then start talking saline drips an stuff.
“stop right there please” i managed to speak up..”last time someone did a ‘rolling stick’ on me-i hadda have it redone in o.r.. can we hold off on THAT till i’m not a movin target”?
The gentleman that he was, consented after bustin a gut laughin.
I also learned something that night. I have a f.d. 5.2 miles up the road. THAT was the one that i thought would be fetching me. Oh no.
they dont ‘service’ that area. the one thats 17.4 miles away is YOUR ambulance.
We roll in an back up. Good thinkin to the person that built the “back up stopping curbs. She DOCKWHOLLOPED that thing. Enough to slide mr. medtech 2 feet down his bench seat.
I guess when you ‘roll’ in strapped to a backboard, sporting a cervical collar: you pretty much get ‘head of the line privileges, because they hadnt cleared the door before someone was pointin to exam 6. They didnt move me OFF the hard back board: just moved the board itself.
Its here i’ll point out. I am ‘somewhat slight of stature’. Not alot of extra padding ANYplace on me.” So after about 30 minutes-my tail bone informs me that its startin to really HURT, and would like to get off this hard wood. I axed the nurse, nope,” since you fell an hit you’re head” Lotta silly rules when ya fall an hit your head i think. So i removed my skully and maneuvered it twixt my poor t-bone and the wood.
I believe it was here that i talked them out of another saline stick, parts of the timeline ARE a bit blurry. But i only took ONE needle during the whole time i am proud to report.
A c.a.t. scan, and a chest x-ray later i am ‘resting’, and dr. rolls in.
“dude-yes you’re concussed, or i guess i should say re-concussed your head. Not REAL badly, but enough. You’ve GOT to start watching what you’re doing!!”.
I got pain meds, anti puking stuff called ZOFRAN. which i immediately worked into “dont mess with the zofran” and have been using it liberally in an about the medical community. You have to work the medical community HARD, its a pretty tough crowd.
I believe this puts us to Thursday 16th. The dr appt with neuro.
Are Drs allowed to spank you if you dont come to see them if you pull a door into your face? This one sure wanted to.
“I am being verrrry unhappy to you mr john! How i am being able to help you when you hurt your head much again, and dont being tell me”?
” I am thinking you’re falling down has much to do with hole in your neck, i am thinking you may be wanting to be fixing that mr john.”
a conundrum.
I have NEVER heard of any cutting on any spine, that really worked. ever.
Thats when i went into ‘fiscal responsibility mode”.
“Doc, sumpin like that has to cost BIG coin, hundreds of thousands of dollars. I dont have that layin around.”

“but mr. john, you have social security-they pay for it”.
That attitude about makes me wanna puke.
Not even from this country,and working the system for fiscal benefit.
so i retorted.
“doc? if i aint paying for it- you and ‘merika is: I dont believe that is right, payin for my abuse of my body”.
him: but you worked and payed in.

me: not to the tune we are talkin about, so someone else is footin the bill.

him: you’re health should concern you more mr john. why do you care if someone else pays?

me: BECAUSE IN AMERICA:”WE’UNS try NOT to do it like that, you……………………………………………………………………………
fill in your own words.

him; MR JOHN!!!!,

we went on snarling about that, healthcare and insurance in general. I dont believe i am going to budge on this neck thing tho.

This brings us to Fri. night.
I had been fighting of a case of bronchitis for a week or so, but i thing it got the upper hand when i knocked the computer offline. I’ve been barking and wheezing etc. Well Fri. eve. i just EXPLODED into a fit. Just out of nowhere, zero to choking cough @ 1.2 seconds. I was so hard at it i pulled a rib cage muscle-really badly.
so i ‘I-gor- ed ( you know: walk this way)? to next neighbors house bent at about 75 degrees from vertical, and twisted 10 degrees of true. i was a mess.
I was in the process of asking them to maybe drive me to e.r. when i hear one of em: “he was there 2 nights ago, with concussion-now hes pulled something an twisted like a pretzel”.
OH HELL, she’s narkin me out to rescue!!.
I’m tryin to shush her, well it looked more like i was tryin to tell her feet to shush, couldnt look up…and she says- they on the way.
You should have seen them tryin to figure best way to get me on the gurney. “turn him this way and and raise his feet” Marx brother stuff. NO backboard this time!!. Or collar.
We roll in, same triage nurse, and MOST the same people i had entertained the other evening, so we all had a semi reunion there at the desk till they rolled me into a room.
I feel the rest of it is: bla bla bla, yada yada: EXCEPT… They got a needle into me this time. They were tricky about it i’ll tell you-
they bribed me.
” If you want this Valium to relax the muscle, you gotta let us shoot you with a light load of demerol.
I was hurtin so bad, i agreed.
Since i had no car, or ride: called a cab.
tis here i will mention. I didnt have my wallet with me the whole time.
I was rushed outta there so fast i didnt even have chance to grab it.
I get in touch with cab, and explained the no wallet to him, he reluctantly agreed since i had mentioned it straight away.
He motors me 26.22 to my house. I run in grab the card and he runs it. DECLINED.
I may have been full of demerol valium an dr. pepper, but i was thinkin fast on my feet.
“dude” follow me up to the ‘roo (gas station), and i can get the money outta savings. so we did that. i tipped him like 16 bucks, not that i can afford to do that, but he worked with me: an no good deed should go unrewarded. An i drove back to the ranch.
driving on Demerol: different. but got home alive.
Feel Pretty ok today: still a tad groggy at times, appetite coming back though. Sitting up alot more, even walked the property line today.
Health care in america sure presents a scary picture. I am goin to be atleast 2k in the hole, my 20 percent I’m responsible for” and Americas footing the rest. I know: its called insurance, but it just leaves me so , i cant explain it. But thanks to all who are paying my bill..lol. JUST kidding.

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About cenflaguy

Very HWP proportionate: not much height, no weight to speak of.
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One Response to Dr, Dr, Mister Md?

  1. Laura says:

    OK, some of us do this without having a good reason…but maybe you could move slower?

    did you figure out how to add pictures?

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